Click here to read in Gujarati
Relatives have been gifted by the God by our birth in a certain family to His wish whether they suit us or not. But, we must thank Him in cases of our friends for whom we have at least a chance of choice. Wife is also like a friend and one has the opportunity for selection – preference – liking – loving, whatever you may call it. This openness is allowed for both love marriages and arranged marriages. There is not any kind of compulsion for friendship or marriage. The friend and wife are the new-comers in our life after our birth. The rest relatives are inherited and we have to accept them as they are or may be. Wife is a life partner and a partner of our ‘self’ also, and that is why there is a word ‘better half’ for wife in English.
Thus, a wise man is always conscious while choosing the wife and his first selection results as first and final. It is not possible for anybody all the times that he can observe every aspect of her quality or character like an article we purchase from a shop-keeper. Minor missing qualities can be shaped or compromised.
To change a wife like a neck-tie or shoes after marriage is possible for those only who do not value the dignity of a woman. Mother, sister, wife and daughter are the forms of a woman in particular relationships. Generally, it is observed that ‘wife’ is always criticized and the rest are accepted or tolerated. ‘Wife’ is considered as an imported commodity into our family, but the others are favored or considered as our own. Such is a partial attitude towards ‘wife’ and in such circumstances, the marriage results in failure; and sometimes an unpleasant situation of divorce arises. Divorce is allowed by state and religious laws in sensitive and justified cases, but it is disliked by the God. The Divorce, without justification, is a crime of society and the life time torture to the divorcee.
Marriage is like an animal drive cart or vehicle. Both husband and wife are harnessed to drive it with mutual understanding, co-operation and harmony for successful journey of life. But, we see all around the world in various communities that all marriages are not ideal ones all the times.
An interesting quotation in this regard narrates the outcome of marriage in this way : “ In few cases, marriage is a prize; in some cases, marriage is surprise; and in the most cases, marriage is disprize or punishment.” The words ‘few’, ‘some’ and ‘most’ are significant in this quotation. Now, it depends on us, in which category of word, we want to set our position.
Still, the topic of this blog continues with some questions; not for any answers, but to give a serious thought over. They are: Should all this not to be applicable to female also, particularly, when some western or western like people have granted equal rights to women? What about those poor fellows who become the victims of such disturbed family life with the weapon of divorce hit by the female? What about those compensations favored by laws to divorcees at the cost of dignity and self respect? What about those affected innocent children? What about their future and mental disturbances?
Just to make a peaceful society, the families will have to be peaceful. Just to decrease the family courts, the family counseling centers will have to be increased. Many countries of the world are worried for breakings of marriages and families. Day by day, the situation becomes the worst. Good people want a change in the prevailing situation. But, who will tie the bell?
Read further, one more quotation of an unknown writer published in a Gujarati News paper and translated here for counseling to individuals as the remedy of being victorious over the cursed word – “divorce”:
“When I was 20 years old, I always used to say with the great zeal and force that I would change the entire world. But, gradually, it seemed to be difficult for me. Then I reached the age of 30 and changed my goal and minimized my territory from world to my country and the surrounding society. But alas! I couldn’t succeed. Today, I am on death bed and for the first time, I realize the eternal truth that, in fact, I had to change myself first since very beginning; and I could have seen the whole universe changed as I had wished.”
While winding up my blog post, I cannot restrict myself to give you one more and the last quotation regarding Love marriage. It is this: “Love marriage begins with attraction, passed through dejection and (perhaps) ends into separation.”
My good readers, wishing your married life meaningful, fruitful and helpful.
Dtd. : 26th May, 2007
Some pre-medical tests of Thalasemia, Hepatitis B, HIV etc. are essential for the health care of the couple as well as future generation. Prevention is better than cure.
April 16, 2013 at 12:35 am
You have written an excellent article on above,covering good aspects of conjugal life and nuptial coalescence, and emphasizing the quintessence and sanctity of married life.
I think marriage is,and should be,a “two way” traffic between the spouses,where the basis of married life should be”our way” instead of “my way” and “your way”.The latter two contrastive ways become the determinant factors of the breakage of married life.
Lack of trust and understanding,lack of time to be together for both the spouses,worsen the marital relationship.Some sacrificing on both sides strengthens the bond between the two.
Since ancient times,marriage has been a well established and accepted social institution in the human race throughout the world.
Your last sentence is an appropriate conclusion of your neutral writing.I would like to add mine as follows:Marriage passes through these stages:-Dream>delectation>delusion>despondence>depression>desertion.
Wiliiambhai,you deserve commendation for such serious writing.
With best wishes,
Arvind P Patel
April 16, 2013 at 12:36 am
Thanks for your inspiring comment. I agree with your suggested stages related to a married life.
With warm regards,