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Monthly Archives: February 2008

Suicide

Click here to read in Gujarati
In my
previous Article ‘Depression’, I had mentioned that ‘Depression’ which is a negative state of mind leads the victim, sometimes, to commit suicide. It is needless to explain what ‘suicide’ is, even though I would write in brief that suicide is an act of putting an end of life by the person itself. When a person feels that the life is worthless or disgraceful due to certain problem(s) or blunders of own life, he or she wishes to bring a quick and permanent solution of misery by committing suicide. In spite of the problem being a very minor and temporary, it is granted as serious and also beyond any solution; and, as a result, the dreadful action of suicide arises. Here, the person collapses like a house falling by its own weight.

Life is the gift from the Creator to all living creatures of the universe just to live until the natural death catches them. Human is left free with its mental choice and physical power whether to live or die. The weak minded individuals, shocked with certain worst happenings in life, feel tired of life or victimized by some pains or miseries. But, the surprising matter is that the victim becomes victorious over the natural terrors of death and hurriedly tries to escape from the prevailing critical situation by disposing of own life. Normally, the human loves its own life more than any other thing; but, when it decides to commit suicide, the dearest life becomes hateful and the death attractive and savior from all miseries.

Bill Maher narrates suicide in typical words as “Suicide is man’s way of telling the God that He can’t fire him – he himself quits.” A very simple finding of the topic in discussion is that mostly living people live willingly because they are afraid of dying; and, dying people die by suicide because they are afraid of life. Here, we would have to think over the issue whether suicide is the reasonable and permanent solution of problems. Suicide is the backdoor of life to nowhere. By committing suicide, the person closes all doors of chance for happiness in life or solutions of problem(s) if it would have remained alive.We must not give up hope or give into despair because of our current situation. As long as we are still living in this world, there is a chance to take a different path from the one we have been traveling on.

In Hiduism, murdering one’s ownbody is considered equally sinful as murdering another. Christians believe that human life is sacred – a wonderful and miraculous creation of God and at any cost it must be tried to save and preserve as far as it is possible. A verse in the Holy Qu’ran of Islam clearly narrates as “And do not kill yourselves, surely Allah is most merciful to you.”(4:29). Ancient Roman law, just to discourage suicide attempts, punished to the dead body of suicide making person by being paraded naked through the streets. Some other ancient laws hanged the dead body of the suicide maker at public places for several days not to punish the deceased as it was meaningless, but to teach others the lesson for not going to the way of suicide.

Ideological arguments in this regard are such as – at such critical moments, the person has to pause, ponder, rethink and analyze own ideas and the events of the past; and should chalk out remedial actions for the future. But, Psychologists and Psychiatrists say that the person who has reached the climax of the action of making suicide is not in a mental position to review the situation. Even when many intellectual and matured persons have failed to avoid suicide, then how we can expect from any ordinary poor fellow like a daily wage earner to fight against any mishap or disgrace of life. But, let me quote here Mother Teresa in her words as “Loneliness and feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.”- to clarify that richness is not confined in worldly wealth or intellectual properties only. Just to make my point clear, I would give below some illustrations of few historical persons who became the victims of nervous breakdown or depression and committed suicide.

A foremost modern writer of Iran named Sadeq Hedayat ended his life by gassing and Cleopatra VII could not bear her defeat in war and committed suicide. Same way, Virginia Woolf, an English novelist drowned herself by weighing her pockets with stones and walking into the river. Sigmund Freud, an Austrian Neurologist and Psychiatrist who was suffering from mouth cancer being a heavy cigar smoker made Physician assisted suicide with over-doses of morphine. Alan Turing, a Mathematician and Father of Modern Computer Science made suicide with cyanide poisoning. Adolph Hitler, a German Politician committed suicide when Berlin was captured in World War – II by biting cyanide capsule and soon after with a gun shot. A very surprising matter is that he married with his lover, Eva Braun, just before 24 hours of his death and she also accompanied him to make suicide as he did.

Above illustrations are not at all intended to justify ‘suicide’ with the examples of the historical people. Freud’s case may be considered genuine as it was the merciful death, not a suicide. He had undergone to the surgery for about 30 times for the cure of his cancer and at long last he had demanded death. In my earlier Article “Mercy killing or Merciful death – A debate”, I have mentioned everything related to the subject. But here, our discussion is with the issue of ‘suicide’ and, to avoid it, the positive thinking only can be helpful. In severe mental state, one should seek professional help or online help on Internet rendered by some Organizations. When you are going to rely upon them, you have nothing to do but just to follow the instructions of the counselors. You should continue your contacts or sittings as long as you are asked for.

But, in normal depression, the positive thinking may be helpful to you to wipe off or reduce the thoughts of making suicide. These ideas are very common and practical also which do not need any scientific base. Religious minded people will surely admit that the life is God-gifted and one has no right to destroy it without any justification. Members of family and many other people connected with you with the threads of feelings have also equal right over your life. It is not a wise step to put them under disgraceful state because of you as they have to live yet long and those poor fellows would have to face the bitter comments and back-biting in the society aimed to your foolishness. “Deeper you think, deeper you will sink.” is necessarily to be remembered. You may imagine how it would look when you are hung in your room with tongue suspended and eyes widened. When you choose to redden the Rail tracks with your blood, imagine how your body would be cut into pieces with the wheels of the train moving fast. You may imagine such other alternatives of making suicide and bring the picture of pitiable condition of your body before your eyes. Many suicide makers firing themselves are heard shouting loudly for a savior. These are some points demanding a serious thought over the issue.

Generally, the people determined with making suicide are found having their foolish presumption that they alone are in the most tragic situation of life and the rest in the world are safe and sound. But, reality is that all are, less or more, in trouble. All have to bear their own loads of pains themselves connected with their own lives. It is a selfish idea that the whole world should stop and suffer with you! It is a wrong expectation that the world should cry for you and cry with you! Each individual has its own problems and one has to solve one’s own problems. Suicide is not the ideal solution of the problems. Have you ever heard that any bird or animal might have committed suicide? Human is a specialized creation of God and he has been gifted the power of thinking. These are the critical moments where the person has to select either death or life. Here is the question of ‘to be’ or ‘not to be’.

One morpositive thinking to motivate you in right direction is that the person should bring the faces of own dear ones in memory and particularly the face of one’s own mother. We should remember that she had kept us in her womb for nine months. While giving our physical birth, she was racked with a lot of labor pains. She had brought up us in her lap and had taken all cares to make us happy in all respects. Had she ever imagined that her child would accept the defeat and bring tragic end of life with such a cowardly act of suicide? Whether she might be alive or deceased, her pitiful eyes shedding tears will surely turn us back from the way we have chosen.

Summing up, I would like to express my feelings of satisfaction that if any one of my Readers may get inspiration from this Article and be the life-savior of at least a single person, I think, my efforts in this regard have been rewarded.

Thank you very much,

– Valibhai Musa
Dtd.:February 18, 2008

 
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Posted by on February 18, 2008 in Article, લેખ, MB

 

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Life Partner

Click here to read in Gujarati
Marriage is not only a
social custom but a culture also. Most of the human societies, all over the world, agree unanimously that the persons reaching the matured age must marry. This ‘must’ is very tuff to be fulfilled as the mate selection is a very difficult task in the life of a person. Socrates has said, “My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you will be happy; if not, you’ll become a Philosopher.” This quote is subjective and satiric also as the credit to make Socrates a Philosopher goes to his former wife who was most probably quarrelsome; but the latter, named Xanthippe, was a noble lady. Any way, the youngsters, both male and female, have the equal right to select an ideal spouse for him/her and anyone of them need not be a Philosopher!

Marriage is one of the most important relationships in human life. Moreover, it is also important who arranges the marriage whether person itself or someone else like parents or friends. Marriage may be either self decided or externally supported; but before getting married, both the persons should know each other very well. Marriage is a very sensitive and serious issue. It is a bond between two persons loving each other. These are two persons who decide to become one, unite with their love, start a family together and spend the rest of their lives with each other. Marriage is a commitment and it has also a great impact on life, career and personality of both the persons.

Now before we proceed further, let us discuss the role of parents into the process of the marriage in brief. Here, a question may arise whether the parents should decide the marriage or it may be left to their offspring. Most of the people will go positive in favor of the parents with their genuine arguments that they are more experienced and well-established in the society. They understand the people and also their children better. Being the parents, they always wish the best of their children. There is no risk to rely on goodwill and wisdom of the parents. Being matured in dealing with social affairs, they will not make a hurried and emotional decision (as found in Love Marriages) which might become a cause of regret in future.

To make a married life successful, both husband and wife have to learn to accept each other’s faults and differences. Any of them should not try to bring the other in one’s own mould. To marry is easy, but to maintain the marriage is difficult. Relationship between husband and wife is very delicate. Marriage is such as we may bring the horse to water, but we cannot force the horse to drink it. Marriage may join two strangers together, but ‘to make a married life healthy, growing and lasting’ is purely and jointly dependent on understanding of both husband and wife.

Psychologists & Sociologists have developed several theories which deal with mate selection. These theories mainly suggest the factors that govern an individual’s choice for a mate, consciously or unconsciously. There may be a great number of theories for a mate selection, but some are common and popular in the various societies. They are as follows:

(1) The most of the individuals give priority to such a spouse who may be of one’s own religion and caste (particularly in oriental countries) and never go out of their circle either by their own will or parents’ insistence. Here the social and economical status of the spouse is also taken into consideration. In their view, any imbalances in the moderate criteria become the causes of the failure of the marriage and; suppose that if it does not end into the separation, it is surely to pass through dissatisfactions of both; and they might have to face many problems in future, particularly in bringing up their offspring lovingly and properly.

(2) This theory is quite contradictory to the first. Here, no emphasis is given to the caste, creed or religion of the person. The individual selects a mate who may be a co-worker or a class-mate or living in same area or locality for a long time. They come into constant contact and become familiar of each other. Their attraction towards each other results into the marriage. Thus, in this theory, the environment plays a very important role. Their daily meetings develop a kind of attraction which may influence upon their decision of a mate selection.

(3) It is known as the complementary need for one’s own personality, profession, hobby, financial standing, physical deficiency etc.. In other words, we may say that the person chooses such a mate who may fill out the weaknesses or drawbacks of one’s own personality and/or expectations.

(4) This is the Parental Image theory. A child since its birth to maturity remains under the influence of the parents. But, it is generally observed that the daughter is attracted towards father and son towards mother. Thus the parent of the opposite sex becomes the mentor of the child. The girl wishes to marry a man who has similar traits of her father and the man likes to marry a woman who has similar traits of his mother. This type of tendency develops in a natural way either consciously or unconsciously.

The above theories have been worked out by some learned people, but those have no concern with our practical life. Our life is not such a laboratory where we may undergo any experiments, make comparisons, do studies or get findings to solve our prime issue of a mate selection. Some religion-leaned people believe that the prospective Life Partner is decided at heaven. We should not criticize them; but apart from their beliefs, we should think out some practical approaches to lighten the task of the mate selection.

Here below, I would like to give you some hints in a typical style for what precautions and measures should be observed to capture the castle of proper selection of a life partner. Let me be clear here with the disclaimer that these are simply the guide-lines and not any rigid rules and regulations. Secondly, the views and ideas are applicable to the Arranged Marriages only and the persons involved in love affairs and desirous going to Love Marriage are free from observing any norms. I remind you my words ‘a typical style’ in this para above and hope you will not expect any interpretation from my end. Some supportive quotes and narrations for my counseling will be there and you may go through them and pick out some HIDDEN HINTS to select a life partner wisely and successfully; and make a married life peaceful and happy. Please, proceed on:

(a) “A wise bird will not be the prisoner even if the net might have been knitted with the silk threads.”(A Persian verse)

(b) “Why should we care which side of our bread is buttered on when we eat both sides anyway.” (Unknown source)

(c) “A volley of questions may arise in our mind, but we should sort out some important only and try to find out their answers.” (Author)

(d) “Never marry anyone you could not sit next  to during a three-day bus trip.” (A funny quote from unknown source)

(e) “Person, in selecting the spouse, is free either to follow one’s inner voice and rebel against parents and society or give in before them.” (Author)

(f) “To use own best  judgments over any issue.” is wisdom. (Author)

(g) Divorce – Legal, but undesirable” (Author’s Blog post of May 27, 2007). Isn’t it cute to harness a bull behind a cart i.e. divorce before marriage? But, it is just like ‘Prevention is better than cure.’ Please, do read if you might have missed.

(h) “No life without wife” is true; but “A bad wife is a good knife to cut a married life easily” is equally true. Remember that ‘a bad husband’ also may become ‘a bigger knife’ to finish all within no time. (Author)

(i) “To wear an artificial smile on face” is an art and any unsuccessful spouse in married life has to perform it willingly or unwillingly.” (Author)

(j) “Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.” (Alfred Hitchcock); but, it may be read as “Life is a drama without the dull bits cut out!”(Author)

(k)Between husband and wife, there should be no secrets from one another. I have a very high opinion of the marriage tie. I hold that husband and wife merge in each other. They are one in two or two in one.” (Gandhiji)

(l) “Love does not consist in gazing at each other but looking in the same direction together.” (Antonne de Saint-Exupery)

(m) “Don’t marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the person you think you can’t live without.” (Dr. James C. Dobson)

(N) “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” (Mignon McLaughlin)

(o) “Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal.” (Louis K. Anspacher)

(p) “Relationships, marriages are ruined where one person continues to learn, develop and grow and the other person stands still.” (Catherine Pulsifer)

(q) “The trouble with wedlock is that there’s not enough wed and too much lock.”
(Christopher Morley)

I would like to bid you good-bye, meanwhile, leaving you to dive in the depth of hidden thoughts in above quotes and narrations.

– Valibhai Musa


Dtd. 9th February, 2008

 
 

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A Sense of Humor

Click here to read in Gujarati
Let
us mark first Mark Twain’s marking that studying humor is like dissecting a frog in biological studies where we may know a lot but we end up with a dead frog. Being my today’s post a Light Essay, everything will go light in a rightway with no any boring definitions or scientific analysis or any dissection of the topic like a frog’s. Some illustrations will do their work what they have to do to make you understand what is to be understood by you.

Humor is such an effective tool with which you can make your tasks very easy. Take an example of a Priest who addressed to the gathering in a Church one Sunday morning in a typical style as this: “I have some bad news, some good news and some bad news. (1) The bad news is that the Church roof has fallen down. (2) The good news is that I have found the money to repair it. (3) The bad news is that it is in your pockets”. Here, much more has been said and the Priest would have surely succeeded to cope better with his requirement of funds. Here, the power of ‘sense of humor’ is self explanatory.

Now a days, people are living stressful lives throughout the world. They are suffering from pains for some gains. Economically middle class and BPL people are many and they are in want of increasing immune power, reducing their stress and coming out of their worries. Humor is a tonic which works more effectively rather than any other remedy and easily available within one’s own self also. The person has to try only to take it out and the life will look worth living.

Not only financial but some other minor matters also matter with our lives and become the causes of our dis-satisfactions. Let us look at baldness of Mr. Allen Klein, a humorist. He focused his humor on himself as saying “Because of my lack of hair, I tell people that I am a formeexpert on how to cure baldness.” To make others laugh, such style of comments on self is safe as no question to irritate the feelings of others arises here. Let us enjoy one more – Abraham Lincoln’s very intelligent and funny quote as “How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg.” If you have the sense of humor, you should laugh here; otherwise share these quotes with your spouse and perhaps he or she may help you to laugh by stretching your cheeks and/or lips and poking with fingers in your arm-pits.

Many people are found around us who wear such surly faces in the shape of English numeral (eight) i.e. hanging, cool, dry or still photography-like and they not only live their own lives bore-some, but make others’ also boring. If we happen to travel together with such persons for some hours, we feel that we have passed an era with them.

Laughter is the source of connecting the people together. A humorous bus conductor can attract the passengers to take only his bus to ride. Humor is a ‘give and take’ process. I’ll illustrate my experience of traveling in a bus. After issuing the tickets at starting point, the conductor announced, “Don’t be ashamed of having your tickets, please!” My seat was near to him and I whispered to him softly and smilingly, “Don’t you need to change this dialogue sounding like a broken record, my good friend?” He broke out in shouts of laughter and went positive with me and said, “Well spoken, dear uncle, well spoken! Really, it is a very common dialogue among all we-conductors and it may be of no any effect to create humor. I’ll think over it for some change and try. Thanks a lot.”

Sense of humor is an outcome of the presence of mind. The following is my paraphrase from my memory of having read the episode somewhere and perhaps I may be wrong here. But, my dear(s) ignoreit as somebody has said, “Who says is not the least concerned, but what he says is important.” Yes, go further to read.

My favorite personality Mr. Churchill once made a comment in the British House of Commons (Lower House) as “Half of the members of the House are idiots.” Being a non-Parliamentary word, the members stood up from their chairs with a protest shouting with ‘Shame .. Shame!”. Mr. Churchill requested them to calm down and apologized in these words, “I am sorry. I withdraw my statement. I represent it with amendment that half of the members of the House are not idiots.” The House was so excited watching their PM apologizing that they could not catch the last words in-between the noise of patting the desks and roaring.

 My good Readers, it is upon you to make out any definitions of the subject in discussion. My assurance of not giving any definitions is already there in my first Para above and I still stand by it. But, suppose if I write down “A sense of humor is the ability to experience humor.” forgetfully, ignore it and forget that you have read it.

Equivocal words are many in languages which can create humor if they are used sharply at right places and moments. To reach the efficiency of ‘laugh and let laugh’, we will have to sharpen our sense of humor. Without sharpening our ability to grasp any humorous point of a narrator, our position will fit with a deaf person who has to laugh twice. I won’t clarify why twice being the prestige issue of my intelligent Readers. Equivocal words are called as Puns also which sound the same but having different meanings. An illustration is here as “A cross-eyed teacher could not control his pupils.” Such Puns are many and you may invent them to make your treasure full with them to entertain others in your own style.

 The technique of anti-climax at the end of a story or an episode becomes the most effective part to make the listeners laugh. A single example will be enough for you to make this technique clear. Well, let us have a laugh together. Here we go:

Mr. X: I am in true love with your daughter. Please allow us to marry.

Mr. Y: No, no! Not at all! You are not fit for her. Forget your love and be off.

Mr. X: If you don’t, do you know what will I do?

Mr. Y: You will make suicide, what else?

Mr. X: No, why should I? My life is not very cheap as you think.

Mr. Y: You will run away with her and do court marriage!

Mr. X: No … No! It is the job of a coward, not mine!

Mr. Y: Bark… Bark! What will you do then?

Mr. X: I’ll marry with any other girl.

I sum up my Article here with no any tension whether it has succeeded to make you laugh or smile at least by uttering ‘cheese’ as photographers instruct to bring an artificial smile on face in their studios! Ha! Haa! Haaa!

Bye,

– Valibhai Musa
February 1, 2008

 
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Posted by on February 1, 2008 in લેખ, Humor, MB

 

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