Some months ago on a Web-site, a fresh and hot news column had struck up my mind to write down something on the above subject and now I am here. Before I proceed on, I take liberty to highlight the above news in precise. A TV and Movie Actor, Charlie Sheen of 44 was arrested on Dec. 25, 2009 against call to 911 (Toll free Phone No. to US Police in emergency) on the ground of allegation for assaulting his wife, Brooke Mueller. He had to spend much of Christmas Day in a cell of the prison after being accused of domestic violence. Mueller had alleged that he had threatened to kill her by brandishing a knife when she said that she wanted a divorce. According to her statement, Sheen had said, ‘You better be in fear. If you tell anybody, I’ll kill you.’
Incidents happened in lives of celebrities make News Head Lines, but common people are never noticed in spite of their incidents being weighty and noteworthy. Spousal abuse is a global issue that occurs in many cultures and affects most of the world’s population of women. Over the last some decades, the issue of wife abuse has become recognized as a problem and women in many countries have organized to advocate for change in such a barbarous act committed by husbands. They practice second-degree assault, menace and do variety of criminal mischief towards wives. All the times, these poor women remain in fear for safety of their lives. Verbal insults, threats and physical injury are very common and even death might occur in case of such situation is prolonged. Spousal abuse is seen as private matter so that the abused women do not have any support of friends, family or the authority to have help to stop the abuse or leave the relationship.
In oriental countries, and particularly in rural areas all over the world, this problem exists for centuries with no name, publicly unspoken and a silent torture that the women have to bear with swallowed tongues in their mouths. Sometimes, the abuse is overlooked, excused, or denied primarily; but later on, when it is disclosed before the public all of a sudden, it becomes an unbelievable matter for all. It is assumed that the man is the ruler of his household and the authorities or societies have no concern there to interfere into their domestic problems or affairs. The issue of wife abuse has been taken up by the public as an issue of general concern now-a-days and thus the view has changed. If anybody feels abused, there are now many organizations ready to help. There are also many websites that offer information, help and advice.
Accurate statistics on the problem of spousal abuse are unavailable due to its unrecognized and under reported status. Spousal abuse is not gender specific; it refers to violence and abuse by either a wife or a husband. In some cases it can refer to couples who live together but who are not married and in few cases either of the past spouse (divorced or divorcee) harasses the other. Statistically, reports of women being abused are more common than that of men.
This abuse is sequential, developmental and dynamic. It is cyclical, reaching many peak levels over extended periods of time. Most of the women dare not leave an abusive spousal relationship in spite of having physical Injuries and suffering from psychological problems. Initially, she remains in confusion and after passage of some time, she realizes the reality. She tries her level best to ease the situation, but her efforts prove to be fruitless to bring the end of the abuse. Gradually, her ideas of getting rid of the abuser develop and get stronger in her mind. Some of them succeed to overcome the threat to life by opting divorce, but many of them surrender themselves to the abuser and continue living miserable life. Counselors, Psychologists and Social Workers advise the victim to escape the violence first and talk to an attorney next. The victim should calm down the emotional storms and gather courage to come to the hard decision of leaving the abusive relationships.
The abuser’s prime goal is to have power and control over the other and to achieve this very goal, the following types of domestic violence and/or abuse are practiced:
Physical : Hitting, Punching, Slapping, Kicking, Choking, Pushing, Being hit with objects, Imprisoning in a room
Emotional : Name-calling, Insulting, Isolating, Threatening, Hurting pets, Crazy making
Sexual : Unwanted sexual touching, Demanding sex, Committing rape, Insisting sexual activity without the consent of the partner
Stalking (Spying) : Following when leaving the house, Harassing by phone calls, Running in public places, Calling to workplace, Stopping going to workplace or job,
Before concluding the post, I would like to give below a check-list just to know whether you are in an abusive relationship. These are the clear signs to know that you are being abused by your partner. They are red signals for you and without any delay you must get help or support from your parents, other family members, religious authorities, social welfare departments, justice system and all other concerned relatives or friends. Out of many signs, find below some major ones:
· monitors and controls what you’re doing all the time and where you go
· criticizes you for little things
· constantly accuses you of being unfaithful
· discourages and keeps you away from seeing friends or family,
· prevents you going to work or college
· gets angry as if or already has drunk alcohol or used drugs
· controls how you spend your money
· controls your use of needed medicines
· humiliates you in front of others
· destroys your property or things that you care about
· threatens to hurt you, the children, or pets,
· uses or threatens to use a weapon against you
· forces you to have sex against your will
· blames you for his violent outbursts and abusive behavior
· humiliates or yells at you
· criticizes you and puts you down
· treats you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see
· ignores or puts down your opinions or accomplishments
· sees you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person
· acts excessively jealous and possessive
· limits your access to money, the phone, or the car
· constantly checks up on you
· insists telling a lie to your friends or family that you are not harassed
· keeps you unknown to passwords of banking and mails
· fabricates stories to defend and practices dual personalities
· flatters when suspects that you are going to leave permanently
· swears and promises now and again to keep you well and turns out
· enjoys seeing you in distress
· restricts you spending of any money for your genuine needs
· tries to prove to be false whatever you say with baseless arguments
Noticing and acknowledging the above warning signs and symptoms of domestic violence and abuse, the first step is to end it immediately at any rate. No one should live in fear of the person who abuses you. If you recognize yourself or someone you know in the above warning signs and descriptions of abuse, don’t hesitate to reach out having available help from various sources mentioned above.
Hope this article might prove to be a lighthouse to victims of domestic violence and abuse and parents also to have true knowledge of abusive spousal relationships of their married children.