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A true story of an insane, but sane person!

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Sanity and insanity are such complicated states of mind which cannot be separated as water tight compartments from each other. In general, we may say that if anybody behaves in such a manner which is socially acceptable, he or she is considered to be sane. Here, we may raise an interesting issue as who would decide socially acceptable behaviors. We find a number of societies in the world and every society would have its own criteria of acceptable behaviors. One more question stands before us waiting for our answer as who would recognize sanity. Can we rely on insane people to define sanity as sane people define insanity? Obviously not! Psychologists have defined ‘sanity’ as soundness of mind that can make best judgments of the situations and authentic opinions about individuals and accordingly they re-act. Similarly, they have defined ‘insanity’ as extreme foolishness or follies of their actions.

My attempt here in this post is to bring a very interesting real story of a person who looked to be insane at the first sight. He not only looked so, but his behaviors, his talks, his life style and many more characteristics were abnormal. He argued in such a way that his words looked to us philosophical. His talks were always very brief, but concrete to convey what he meant to say profoundly. His life styles of particularly for his dress-code and food habits were untidy, dirty and creating disgust in our mind.

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Posted by on September 24, 2009 in Article, લેખ, Human behavior

 

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Hear-says or rumors

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Hear-say is a
social nuisance. Its sadder part is that the fabricator of it cannot be known by us. Finding out its root is as difficult as to reach the source of a river. It is also like knowing about our far ancestors. We may go back up to certain generations and then we have to stop somewhere. Here-say or in other word to say ‘Rumor’ spreads like fire. Where there is fire, there is always wind. Similarly, when a rumor starts, nobody can control or stop it. It is the weakness of human mind that such rumors are exaggerated by who-so-ever hears and then it is passed on to others. Authenticity of hear-say is always lame as it is not based on one’s personal knowledge. Another’s statement comes to the listener passing through many tongues and ears with no any concrete base. Therefore, the judicial system also does not accept such hear-say evidence as per the law of evidence because the witness is unable to say anything on oath.

Hear-says, related to individuals, communities, religions or even nations, create misunderstandings among the people and adverse messages far from any truth spread over everywhere. The victims of such hear-says have to suffer the irreparable damage to their own prestige. Some bias or complex, once fixed in the minds of the people, takes a very long time to be wiped off. In individual cases, Irresponsible and intentional fabrications of the stories against him or her make them mentally disturbed and sometimes they are so much pressurized that he or she attempts to make suicide or on the ground of some doubt towards the supposed enemies, he or she gets excited and takes revenge by quarrel, murder or any other damage. Such harsh action undertaken under excitement is liable to be condemned and at long last the doer has to suffer some punishments by law. William George Bonin, a murderer, who was executed about a decade ago in America had uttered his last words as “I would suggest that when a person has a thought of doing anything serious against the law, it should go to a quiet place and think about it seriously before it does.”

Now, let us discuss some aspects of this issue in light of some psychological and social impacts falling on our smooth and steady life. Here onwards, we are going to take up the matter in discussion relating to individuals only.

First of all, as a part of creating courage in us to face this evil, we – the individuals should not take all such back biting and rumors targeted towards us as a serious issue if we are fully right on our part. If the hear-says, spread against us, are brought to our knowledge by any of our well-wishers, we should take them easy. Epictetus, a Greek Philosopher, has quoted as – If you hear that someone is speaking ill of you, instead of trying to defend yourself, you should say, “He obviously does not know me very well, since there are so many other faults he could have mentioned.” We should not be swayed by all such hear-says, but we must stand still like a rock against them. We should not be victim of nervous breakdown or over-sensitiveness. It is the unavoidable nature of human kind that some of them are not only mean minded, but jealous also.

We should not expect that all guys known or unknown to us will be pleased about the goings on in our life. Public opinions carry no weight and if we ignore them, they will automatically calm down. When time passes, they forget the hear-say spread about us or some other fresh hear-say may take its place there. That is why it is said that the memory of public is always very short.

Now, let us try to know who those devils may be doing all these notorious activities just for their worthless entertainment. First of all, the needle of suspicion may turn towards one’s own open or disguised enemies. Some Psychologists have found out with their observations that there are some people in every society who feel insecurity owing to their own problems get engulfed by envy and jealousy. They are always interested in numbering happy hours of others. Their minds having devil’s workshops are always busy and ready to think out how they can find a new fellow to hurt its feelings. All of a sudden, they people become offensive with their weapons of hear-says. Now, we have two options whether we allow ourselves to be hurt or fight against them. The latter is not a gentleman’s wisdom. Suppose that we want to fight with, but against whom! Isn’t it like biting into the air! I suggest going to the third option and it is that we should ignore all those things and try to create courage in ourselves to cope with the situation.

Hear-says fall short on evidence always. They are the mixtures of truth and untruth. The people behind hear-says can never bring proofs to surface. Besides, they will never show their faces to us. We can never know what they are cooking up behind us to degrade us in the eyes of those people who have high respect and great confidence in ourselves. They are stabbing us from behind to finish us cowardly. What it may be, but we should try to forget it thinking that it is just a nightmare. It is never possible that one may have all the people as friends and not a single foe. He who lives in a society may have some opponents also. There are two qualities of opponents, noble and cunning. Noble opponent will come face to face and the latter will remain invisible to us. They are determined to show us that we are not safe from their tongues. But, we must be equally determined that we are not going to pay any attention towards their dirty games.

It is obvious that when dung (છાણ) of cattle is lifted from the ground, the dust stuck to it will accompany it. Similarly, little or more effect of such wicked deed will influence the minds of our relatives, friends and associated persons in the field of our work. It may happen that some of them may turn their backs on us and join the gang of those notorious people without reserving any judgment whether we are offender or guilty. In such circumstances, we should take their behaviors as alarming that they are not our true relatives or friends. It would be better to depart from them or continue formal relations with them and form a new company of friends who may stand by us in such sorrowful hours in future. True friends or relatives are those who stick with us in our thick or thin times.

Summing up, I would like to put some questions to ask to our inner self. They are as: Are we not the birds of same feathers i.e. same persons like those whom we dislike? Do we have the same tendency of believing in the worst in somebody else like those people? Do we keep ourselves away from any falsehood or fabricated stories? Do we have clean conscience? Are we like those opinion making people? Do we blow any wind to spread over rumors or hear-says concerned to others? Are we like those who run away leaving the victim of hear-says or rumors to his or her destiny? Are we prepared to approach the victim to know the fact before reaching any conclusion? Many such questions may be asked to ourselves. If our answers are just and appropriate, we may criticize others; otherwise we have no right to do so.

“Behave with others as you would expect others to behave with you.”

Regards,

– Valibhai Musa
Dtd: June 14, 2008

 
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Posted by on June 14, 2008 in લેખ, Character, MB

 

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A man’s household foes!

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Today I stand in front of you through this Article with a surprising title creating curiosity in you to know about our household foes (enemies). Before I go further, I urge you to sit back relaxed and read. These enemies are not the outsiders or external, but they are our own – our own family members living with us under one roof. These are not the words of mine, but somebody has quoted as “For a son dishonors his father, a daughter rises up against her mother, a daughter-in-law is against her mother-in-law – a man’s enemies are the members of his own household.” Let me clarify here that the daughter-in-law only may not be responsible for discomforts of the household. A mother-in-law may be equally responsible as she frequently forgets that she was once a daughter-in-law of somebody. Similarly, the daughter-in-law should always remember that she is going to be a mother-in-law one day.

Human relationships and values of life change in a changing world. Nothing can be expected steady. In family matters, one common issue of ‘generation gap’ is found everywhere in all communities. Parents expect from their next generation that they should be as they are. Likewise, children also think that they should be allowed to do whatever they like. Khalil Gibran has advised to the parents in these words as “You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.” He further adds, “Life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.” These are the great thoughts of great people, but reality of the environment of households is quite different. Here below, I’ll put before you some dialogues, generally heard in the most of the families which show how the members of the family behave and interact with each other. They are as follows:

A loving mother warns the younger son or daughter in the words as “I won’t tolerate your attitude any longer, listen to your lies or defend you when you are wrong.” An elder sister scolds to the kids, “Are you not ashamed to speak like this to elders?” A notorious son insults to the elders in the words, “I don’t want to listen to your lecture!” A sister complains to a brother, “Oh! I never imagined this from you.” A wife irritates the feelings of a husband as “What sort of big work that you have that can’t wait for you!” A mother is annoyed and says, “What the world would speak about for bringing up a son like you!” A grand father shouts and says, “You have hung my head in shame.” A husband quarrels with a wife, “What do you think you are?” A parent warns the collegian girl or son, “I dislike your friend circle or your company.” A child feeling avoidance says to elders, “You have time for everyone but me!” A grandmother fires her own son, “You are a betrayer of relationships and family values.” A mother to a daughter or a son shouts crying in the extreme words as “I wonder how you were born to me!” An uncle says to any junior in the family as “To break every rule of the family and denial is your usual practice.” And somewhere, a wife threatens her husband, “I won’t keep my mouth shut to keep the family peace.”

I recall having read a poem of Alfred Lord Tennyson during my PG study days in early 1970s. Let me give you a quick extract of the said poem. The poet’s feelings are so deeply hurt with his daughter’s mate selection that he expresses his hatred in these words as “Come not, when I am dead / To drop thy foolish tears upon my grave.” In the last stanza of the poem, the words are as “Wed whom thou wilt, but I am sick of time / And I desire to rest / Pass on, weak heart, and leave me alone where I lie / Go by, go by.” My good Readers are advised to refer my previous Articles “No honor in Honor-killing!” and “Life Partner”, if missed, to co-relate it with the burning issue presented here in Alfred’s poem. The most of the communities throughout the world have to face such situations in their households on the issue of ‘marriage’ where sometimes parents become the enemies of their children or the children consider their parents their enemies with their differences of opinions or contrasts of the angles of seeing the life.

I have written somewhere in my previous Article that to rule a country and run a family are equally difficult. The key person of a household who may be either a male or a female is always fully capable to deal with all external affairs of the life successfully; but when the critical situation of internal family problems comes to him or her, they have either to fall on knees to surrender themselves or resist against the problem. Both the extremes are risky – the former makes the family discipline weaker and the latter results into the lifelong hatred of the person responsible for disharmony in family environment. Some middle way should be sort out to ease the situation and for that very purpose mutual understanding and preparedness of hearing each other are necessitated. Purity of intention and sincerity in action are surly to bring good results for the solution of any type of family problem.

Now let us have a look on some principal root causes of disharmony in a household. First of all, the elder people of the family should love all impartially and must set a good example of good manners and behaviors towards them. James A. Baldwin has said, “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” Can any alcoholic father or mother prevent their children from going to the path of such a harmful habit in all aspects? One more thing is that the parents should not mistake to silence the children all the time, but allow them to express what they wish to say. Parents should not become heavy with loaded ego and they should be good attentive particularly towards kids by sparing some hours even from their busy schedules of work. All members should sit together at least a single time in a day, if possible, particularly at the dinner time. This habit is the best tool to bring all to nearness of one another. The culture of a household can be judged well on its dining table.

A true home has a function of making their children good, honest and obedient. Children are such plants which cannot be uprooted if the proper seeds are sown and proper nourishment is provided for a few years. Children should not be made handicapped by making their lives easy. Offering more services than they are entitled to have is the greatest drawback in raising up the children properly. Bette Davis has said, “If you want your children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibilities on their shoulders.” Just like filling an ocean into an earthen pot, I may say that the parents should teach limits to their children. They may be given all gustatory treats, but never any luxurious ones which may be too much expensive and beyond own economical capacity.

Summing up, I would like to say in brief that all the members of the family should try sincerely to create credibility among one another so that nobody may think that somebody in the household is his or her enemy. To make a home paradise is in the hands of particularly a mother who may be called as the queen of the kitchen. A funny slogan is such as “A Happy Mom equals a Happy Home.” A father is also like a king of his household which is just as a small scale kingdom. “As the ruler, so the subject” is well known to all. Love, Faith, Self-discipline and Responsibility are the key words to make a home happy or free.

Hope my above thoughts may help you to protect your home from attacks both within and without, without any doubt; and, have peace and harmony in your household.

Wish you a happy home, my good Readers.

-Valibhai Musa
Dtd.:
16th March, 2008

 
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Posted by on March 16, 2008 in Character, Essay, Life, MB

 

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