(417) My quoted Quotes in my Posts (11)

(176) “Crying is the special expression of man.” (Charles Darwin) 

(177) “Crying is a release, a psychological tonic or tranquilizer.” (Arnold H. Glasow)

(178) “A barren woman cannot understand the pains of a woman delivering the child.” (Valibhai Musa)

# Crying, a unique expression of passions in human life

(179) “Do not be proud of your achievements, but be humble and thankful to Him (God) and realize that your success was due to His abundant Mercy. [Shiite Imam Ali (a.s.)]

(180) “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” (William Arthur Ward)

(181) “A Thanks Giving is the courtesy, the manner and a good attitude towards gratitude.” (Valibhai Musa)

# Expressing Feelings of Honor and Gratitude

(182) “Human Life is such as when we are born, it can be said that we are a God-made man or woman. As we grow up in society and be matured, we become a man-made man or woman; and/but, we can become a self-made man or woman with our inward revolution only.” (Valibhai Musa)

# Customary celebrations of birthday

(183) “Man is a social animal.” (Aristotle)

(184) “Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow.” (A Swedish proverb)

(185) “Each person values something: someone desires wealth, another wants beauty; a third longs for honor; but, in my opinion, a good friend is better than all of them.” (Socrates)

(186) “The happiest person is he who associates and befriends the magnificent. [The Holy Prophet of Islam (SAW)]

# Friends are our destiny, either ill or good!

(187) ‘Remix is a Cultural Right’. (Lawrence Lessig)

(188) “Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I am not sure about the universe!” (Albert Einstein) 

# A Humorous Folktale on Stupidity

 – Valibhai Musa 

 

 

 

(367) My quoted Quotes in my Posts (6)

(78) “If you plan for a year, grow rice (corn); if you plan for ten years, grow trees; and if you plan for 100 years, educate mankind (grow children !).” (A Chinese Proverb)

(79) “Be more concerned with your character than with your reputation. Your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.” (Dale Carnegie)

(80) “Reputation is the photograph, but the character is the face. Reputation is made in a moment, but the character is built in a life time. Reputation makes you rich or poor, but the character makes you happy or miserable.” ( William Hersey Davis)

(81) “The reputation is just like a bubble of water – it comes in existence and vanishes, but the character always remains with us. Everybody should try to develop own character and should not care for reputation as it will follow to the character itself in its own way as the child follows its mother.” (Valibhai Musa) 

(82) “Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow.” (Abraham Lincoln)

# Character and Reputation 

(83) “Remember that there is nothing stable in human affairs; therefore avoid undue elation in prosperity or undue depression in adversity”. (Socrates)

# Depression

(84) “Misfortunes always come in by a door which has been left open for them.” (A Czechoslovakian Proverb)

# Winning hearts and bridging minds

(85) “Consideration of others is the basic of a good life, a good society.” (Confucius)

(86) “Manners are a sensitive awareness of the feelings of others. If you have that awareness, you have good manners, no matter what fork you use. (Emily Post (An American Hostess)

(87) “Good manners have much to do with emotions. To make them ring true; one must feel them, not merely exhibit them”.(Amy Vanderbilt)

# Manners

(88) “The exaggerated sensitiveness is an expression of the feelings of inferiority”. (Alfred Adler)

(89) “I am extremely –extremely sensitive. I can cry at the drop of a hat. I am (like) such a girl when it comes to that. Anything upsets me. I cry all the time. I cry when I am happy too.” Further, he added, “If you are a sensitive person like me, you turn to something that makes you feel good.” (Dennis Farana)

(90) “A talent somewhat above mediocrity, shrewd and not too sensitive, is more likely to rise in the world than genius.” (Charles Horton Cooley)

(91) “Don’t tell your problems to people; eighty percent don’t care, and other twenty percent are glad you have them.” (Lou Holtz)

# Over Sensitiveness

-Valibhai Musa

 

Friends are our destiny, either ill or good!

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Recently a week ago, the Friendship Day was celebrated in the most of the countries of the world. Western countries emphasize on some social days besides the religious ones. The first Sunday of August was declared as the Friendship Day by US Congress in 1935 and now many countries follow the same and celebrate it. This day is not limited to youngsters only. The people of any age and gender celebrate it with great zeal and enjoy the day valuing friendship as an indispensable part of life.

In my some earlier post, I had written that Relatives have been gifted by the God by our birth in a certain family to His wish whether they suit us or not. But, we must thank Him in case of our friends for whom we have at least a chance of choice. The friend is the new-comer in our life like the wife. Here, I would like to express my views on friendship with supporting quotes of some noble and learned people wherever certain points come to be emphasized in my Article.

‘Friends and Friendship’ is such a profound subject which cannot be discussed with proper justification in this precise Article. Its various aspects are such as ways of knowing a friend, boundaries of friendship and its continuity or termination, proper motivations of friendship and guidelines of associating with friends, rights of friends mutually agreed upon and to be observed honestly and lastly testing a friend prior to its commencement, within its continuity or before its termination. I am not going to go deep in the subject here, but discuss some points in general just to guide my valued Readers how to deal with friends and develop true friendship.

 

Life Partner

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Marriage is not only a social custom but a culture also. Most of the human societies, all over the world, agree unanimously that the persons reaching the matured age must marry. This ‘must’ is very tuff to be fulfilled as the mate selection is a very difficult task in the life of a person. Socrates has said, “My advice to you is to get married. If you find a good wife, you will be happy; if not, you’ll become a Philosopher.” This quote is subjective and satiric also as the credit to make Socrates a Philosopher goes to his former wife who was most probably quarrelsome; but the latter, named Xanthippe, was a noble lady. Any way, the youngsters, both male and female, have the equal right to select an ideal spouse for him/her and anyone of them need not be a Philosopher!

Marriage is one of the most important relationships in human life. Moreover, it is also important who arranges the marriage whether person itself or someone else like parents or friends. Marriage may be either self decided or externally supported; but before getting married, both the persons should know each other very well. Marriage is a very sensitive and serious issue. It is a bond between two persons loving each other. These are two persons who decide to become one, unite with their love, start a family together and spend the rest of their lives with each other. Marriage is a commitment and it has also a great impact on life, career and personality of both the persons.

Now before we proceed further, let us discuss the role of parents into the process of the marriage in brief. Here, a question may arise whether the parents should decide the marriage or it may be left to their offspring. Most of the people will go positive in favor of the parents with their genuine arguments that they are more experienced and well-established in the society. They understand the people and also their children better. Being the parents, they always wish the best of their children. There is no risk to rely on goodwill and wisdom of the parents. Being matured in dealing with social affairs, they will not make a hurried and emotional decision (as found in Love Marriages) which might become a cause of regret in future.

To make a married life successful, both husband and wife have to learn to accept each other’s faults and differences. Any of them should not try to bring the other in one’s own mould. To marry is easy, but to maintain the marriage is difficult. Relationship between husband and wife is very delicate. Marriage is such as we may bring the horse to water, but we cannot force the horse to drink it. Marriage may join two strangers together, but ‘to make a married life healthy, growing and lasting’ is purely and jointly dependent on understanding of both husband and wife.

Psychologists & Sociologists have developed several theories which deal with mate selection. These theories mainly suggest the factors that govern an individual’s choice for a mate, consciously or unconsciously. There may be a great number of theories for a mate selection, but some are common and popular in the various societies. They are as follows:

(1) The most of the individuals give priority to such a spouse who may be of one’s own religion and caste (particularly in oriental countries) and never go out of their circle either by their own will or parents’ insistence. Here the social and economical status of the spouse is also taken into consideration. In their view, any imbalances in the moderate criteria become the causes of the failure of the marriage and; suppose that if it does not end into the separation, it is surely to pass through dissatisfactions of both; and they might have to face many problems in future, particularly in bringing up their offspring lovingly and properly.

(2) This theory is quite contradictory to the first. Here, no emphasis is given to the caste, creed or religion of the person. The individual selects a mate who may be a co-worker or a class-mate or living in same area or locality for a long time. They come into constant contact and become familiar of each other. Their attraction towards each other results into the marriage. Thus, in this theory, the environment plays a very important role. Their daily meetings develop a kind of attraction which may influence upon their decision of a mate selection.

(3) It is known as the complementary need for one’s own personality, profession, hobby, financial standing, physical deficiency etc.. In other words, we may say that the person chooses such a mate who may fill out the weaknesses or drawbacks of one’s own personality and/or expectations.

(4) This is the Parental Image theory. A child since its birth to maturity remains under the influence of the parents. But, it is generally observed that the daughter is attracted towards father and son towards mother. Thus the parent of the opposite sex becomes the mentor of the child. The girl wishes to marry a man who has similar traits of her father and the man likes to marry a woman who has similar traits of his mother. This type of tendency develops in a natural way either consciously or unconsciously.

The above theories have been worked out by some learned people, but those have no concern with our practical life. Our life is not such a laboratory where we may undergo any experiments, make comparisons, do studies or get findings to solve our prime issue of a mate selection. Some religion-leaned people believe that the prospective Life Partner is decided at heaven. We should not criticize them; but apart from their beliefs, we should think out some practical approaches to lighten the task of the mate selection.

Here below, I would like to give you some hints in a typical style for what precautions and measures should be observed to capture the castle of proper selection of a life partner. Let me be clear here with the disclaimer that these are simply the guide-lines and not any rigid rules and regulations. Secondly, the views and ideas are applicable to the Arranged Marriages only and the persons involved in love affairs and desirous going to Love Marriage are free from observing any norms. I remind you my words ‘a typical style’ in this para above and hope you will not expect any interpretation from my end. Some supportive quotes and narrations for my counseling will be there and you may go through them and pick out some HIDDEN HINTS to select a life partner wisely and successfully; and make a married life peaceful and happy. Please, proceed on:

(a) “A wise bird will not be the prisoner even if the net might have been knitted with the silk threads.”(A Persian verse)

(b) “Why should we care which side of our bread is buttered on when we eat both sides anyway.” (Unknown source)

(c) “A volley of questions may arise in our mind, but we should sort out some important only and try to find out their answers.” (Author)

(d) “Never marry anyone you could not sit next  to during a three-day bus trip.” (A funny quote from unknown source)

(e) “Person, in selecting the spouse, is free either to follow one’s inner voice and rebel against parents and society or give in before them.” (Author)

(f) “To use own best  judgments over any issue.” is wisdom. (Author)

(g) “Divorce – Legal, but undesirable” (Author’s Blog post of May 27, 2007). Isn’t it cute to harness a bull behind a cart i.e. divorce before marriage? But, it is just like ‘Prevention is better than cure.’ Please, do read if you might have missed.

(h) “No life without wife” is true; but “A bad wife is a good knife to cut a married life easily” is equally true. Remember that ‘a bad husband’ also may become ‘a bigger knife’ to finish all within no time. (Author)

(i) “To wear an artificial smile on face” is an art and any unsuccessful spouse in married life has to perform it willingly or unwillingly.” (Author)

(j) “Drama is life with the dull bits cut out.” (Alfred Hitchcock); but, it may be read as “Life is a drama without the dull bits cut out!”(Author)

(k) “Between husband and wife, there should be no secrets from one another. I have a very high opinion of the marriage tie. I hold that husband and wife merge in each other. They are one in two or two in one.” (Gandhiji)

(l) “Love does not consist in gazing at each other but looking in the same direction together.” (Antonne de Saint-Exupery)

(m) “Don’t marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the person you think you can’t live without.” (Dr. James C. Dobson)

(N) “A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.” (Mignon McLaughlin)

(o) “Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal.” (Louis K. Anspacher)

(p) “Relationships, marriages are ruined where one person continues to learn, develop and grow and the other person stands still.” (Catherine Pulsifer)

(q) “The trouble with wedlock is that there’s not enough wed and too much lock.”
(Christopher Morley)

I would like to bid you good-bye, meanwhile, leaving you to dive in the depth of hidden thoughts in above quotes and narrations.

– Valibhai Musa

Dtd. 9th February, 2008

 

Depression

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This is the negative state of mind. There is nothing new, in my opinion, as such may happen to me, to you or somebody else. The challenging problem of depression, now a days, is increasing in an alarming rate in the world. Today, life is not an easy thing. We cannot live through it without passing through such Psychological problems. I am not a Psychiatrist or a Psychologist; but with my experiences having come through some case studies of my family members (even myself), relatives and friends while counseling them particularly for their above  problem and especially at their Annual, Board or University Examinations; I have reached some findings of solution for the same. Depression may have to be faced  in other cases also such as business loss and alike financial crisis, family problems, mental torture or harassment , ailment, sensitive nature, social and political disturbances, natural and man-made disasters, beloved one’s passing away or migration elsewhere, home-sickness etc..

Minor depression lasts for several hours or days and without any efforts, the victim comes out of it; but the major one is dangerous and there are the possibilities of some unpleasant negative results. The victim feels insecurity and loses interest in living a life. Sometimes the extreme thinking excites the victim to make suicide or run away from home leaving the family behind. The victim gets angry and sometimes becomes aggressive and violent. In some cases, the victim keeps mum and does not share his problem with anybody. Sometimes, he or she weeps silently self pitying, tries to find a corner to hide own self and avoids to meet or associate with others. The victim passes sleepless nights, avoids having food and dislikes any type of entertainment. In brief to say, many abnormal and peculiar behaviors of the victim are observed.

While handling such cases, my general knowledge acquired by insight and reading of some books on Psychology and other social sciences have come forward to help me. I recall my memory to suggest my Readers if anybody is interested in to go through a book for further knowledge in this regard. I don’t remember the title (name) of the book as it was referred by me in long past year of 1969 or 1970. The book was on Psychology and was jointly written by some ‘Crow’ last named authors.

Introspective approach is one of its kinds to come out from depression. This method is just like the self-counseling. The victim himself or herself may try this approach.  I draw my Readers’ kind attention towards a picture of ‘Self made man’ in my previous Article “Soul – Its nourishment” just to think over to understand this”Self served method”.

Before I go further to make clear this introspective approach, let me show you some limitations of it.  Firstly, this practice can be tackled by intellectual persons very well, effectively and efficiently; even though any common person also may get result with some efforts. Secondly, this method is somewhat difficult due to its only reason that the victim has to play two rolls at a time; one, we may call it as patient or victim and other the expert or curer. At the first stage the victim itself becomes familiar with own behavioral changes and mental state. Following to it, he or she intends to be normal.  My good Readers, now you can understand what two rolls are to be performed at a time. This task is tough as it is not like those actors playing double or multiple rolls on a stage or in a movie. It is rather difficult to make water tight compartments of the mind. One part of the mind has to observe the problem and other part has to show remedies for the cure. Both the rolls are difficult to be played in the sense that there are the chances of amalgamation and/or contrasts and/or absence of either side of ideas. For example, if we try to watch darkness with light, the darkness will disappear. Same way, when one thinks of the remedies of the problem, the effect of the problem will disappear.

My Readers, you will excuse me for I have kept you engaged for a long time in my above text. But, the background of my aim of this article was necessary to be brought before you. Now onward, I’ll straightway lead you to the guideline for how one can come out of depression with one’s own efforts and self-support and also without any professional help.

Firstly, the victim should create strong desire within itself to recover from this mental state. This is rather difficult as I said previously because on one hand the victim is suffering from the problem and how this desire can be created in himself or herself with broken heart. Just for this very first stage, an external but practical technique may be useful and it is that one should look into the mirror with an own photograph of smiling face in hand and try to compare both the faces. If photograph is not available, one may simply see into the mirror and observe the face accurately. The mirror can’t tell a lie and as a result one will be ashamed of seeing own pale and orphan-like face. This technique will motivate the victim to enter the process. Now, the victim may start to think positively and command or instruct one’s inner soul with some arguments and hints. This practice may be verbal or merely by bringing thoughts into own mind.

Such questions, hints or commands as samples are as follows:

(1)You have to come out of darkness of despair any how. (2) You have not to give in, you have not to drown yourself into depression; but have to create strength to face the problem. (3) This situation is not to last any longer and it will pass away like in a dream. (4) The clouds of despair will pass away and your life will be as clear as the sky becomes. (5) This is simply your mental illness and you will be cured by yourself. (6) You have to throw away all your anxieties and come out of nervous breakdown.  (7) Your present situation is just like the darkness before dawn. (8) Don’t turn your back to light as seeing towards darkness only is the job of the foolish. (9) Come on, no any wise one has ever died in such circumstances. (10) You are not the only fellow in the universe who would have to pass through such situation. (11) Many others like you would have solved their such problems and why you can’t. (12) Your many factors are favorable to you rather than those like you and thank God for that. (13) You only are not the sole proprietor of your life as many others in your family and outsiders also possess the right on your life. (14) You have no right to leave them on their fate as they are not responsible for what it has happened to you. (15) Be brave and fight like a soldier in the battlefield.

Over and above the struggle with self as stated above, some more tips are suggested to divert mind and de-link the chain of thoughts as follows and they are like : – (1) To go for a walk into the nature or visit a garden. (2) To associate with children (3) To pass time with tame animals (4) To make gardening (5) To visit a hospital. (6) To meditate or visit own religious place. (7) To share the problem with spouse or friends (8) To re-arrange own cupboard, working table or household furniture (9) To weep or laugh loudly alone (not publicly !) (10) To entertain mind through any favorite mean (11) To read newspapers, magazines or visit a library (12) To take deep breath or do exercise

Before summing up my Article, I would like to make it clear that in excessive serious cases, the victim or care-takers should not hesitate to take any professional help and that also in time in order to avoid any unpleasant outcomes. We should remember that tomorrow is yet another day. Depression should be taken as the part of the mood and the mood is simply a state of mind. Supportive approach with self is surely a result oriented process provided that it is practiced efficiently.

I conclude my Article here with a quotation of Socrates in this regard. He quotes, “Remember that there is nothing stable in human affairs; therefore avoid undue elation in prosperity or undue depression in adversity”.

That’s all, my friends

With regards,
– Valibhai Musa
Dtd: 10^th October, 2007